Babes on Beryl Magazine

 Chicken salad is not.

Time to impress your friends with this insanely easy and healthy recipe!

If there's one thing I'm known for, it's telling people I hate cooking. Friends, family, dates (is this why I'm still single?) all hear about how often I end up making scrambled eggs for dinner because of the sheer resistance to the thought of preheating, chopping, and sautéing when 5pm rolls around. But all that changed when I had my friend Madison's chicken salad.

This prompted me to ask other questions, like "Why aren't the red onions spicy?" and "Which herb am I tasting right now?" She said the secret was buying pre-chopped red onions and adding lots of fresh parsley.

Not only did using pre-chopped onions make it taste better, it made preparing the chicken salad easier. Music to my ears.

The only real chopping required was for the almonds, celery, and grapes—something I can likely manage. Another important distinction is using gum drop grapes. 

I had never heard of this breed before but it made all the difference. As I was watching her prep the salad, I noticed that measurements were not really necessary and eyeballing ingredients sufficed—another great perk since I am also mathematically challenged. 

Madison made a variation of the chicken salad: Buffalo chicken salad. Equally as good and equally as simple. Just get your favorite buffalo sauce and pour it in the bowl after adding all the other ingredients. Enjoy!

Greek Yogurt Chicken Salad

Robert Kiyosaki, American investor, entrepreneur, and author of the book Rich Dad, Poor Dad, warns of a "Greater Depression" on it's way to the United States. Go fucking figure. This is a result of a completely avoidable economical disaster prompted by Trump’s tariffs on international imports. Which one of you dumb fucks let this man into office again?

This is like healthy version of Kraft Mac & Cheese with 14 grams of protein per box. There are 2.5 servings per box, but we collectively agree that it is acceptable to eat the whole box yourself, especially in troubling times like these.

These are so yummy, and added bonus: you can pretend like you are one of the characters in the 2003 movie “Holes.” 

Not only are these hearty in fiber, but they are versatile and can be used in many soups, salads, or grain bowls. (Look up “dense bean salad” on TikTok for ideas.)

While not very widely known, these are the crispiest chicken nuggets on the market. Pop them in the air fryer for 10 minutes and pair with your favorite sauce. 

If you don’t have a rice cooker at this point, what are you doing? Get your ass up and cook your rice in a rice cooker. It is so easy and tastes so much better than your microwavable rice in a bag. 

Found at your local Costco. This bag will last you at least a year, and it will provide you with much needed energy for your never-ending job search because nobody can get a job these days. (Thanks, Trump!) 

Because who can really afford fresh fruit in this economy? I love mine paired with some Greek yogurt, granola, and honey.

Ingredients

You can't go wrong with anything from Trader Joe's, but we've curated our top finds here.

Next on our list is the whipped cream cheese. We tested out other whipped cream cheeses and the texture just doesn't compare. The only flaw is that this doesn't come in a larger container. $2.49. Onto what I would consider a top snack of all time, the Double Chocolate Wafer Cookies are probably the equivalent to crack, and you can easily work your way through an entire bag in one sitting. $3.49.  

All of Trader Joe's dressings are worth trying but we want to highlight the Vegan Creamy Dill Dressing. This dressing is so versatile you can literally put it on anything. It's best to buy two at a time since it's always out of stock. $3.99. 

The Fig & Olive Crisps are not great by themselves, but on a charcuterie board they're amazing. Be sure to put toppings on these crackers such as brie, goat cheese, or the whipped feta we just plugged. $3.99.